Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
