I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
