i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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