Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
