Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
