Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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