it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
