Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
