i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
