Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
