so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
