Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
