i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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