yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
