Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
