Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
