I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
