did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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