i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
