yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
