U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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