girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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