My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
