I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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