yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
