There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
