That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
