There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
