He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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