I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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