I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You took a bar mat shot.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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