you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
