I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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