Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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