This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
