Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
