Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
