Your face is a jimmy john
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Actions speak louder than pants.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I am mentally ready for anal.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
