Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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