Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
