12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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