Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
