I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize