Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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