I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
