What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need to sanitize my soul.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
