so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
