So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
