Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
please come you make the beer taste better
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
