I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
