i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Four minutes until I can fart!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
