you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm passing your future prison.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
