Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
