Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
