i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize