so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
