Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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