Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
