thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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