Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
