we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize