This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize