I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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