He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
