I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
