Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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