Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
