Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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