I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
