umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
