Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
