theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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